And They Hummed of Mystery

To put it simply, my summer reading list kicked ass.
Now, as we're all about to trek our way back to classes and homework, (Except for those of you who have real jobs. You mean not everyone stays in school for all of eternity?) I'm excited to look back on the best of the fine selection of books I read under this summer's hot sun. If you're looking for books that are going to rip your heart out, keep you up all night, and change the game, I got you. Don't worry. I won't spoil anything. Just go read them so we can all fangirl together.



Numer One:
Places No One Knows
By: Brenna Yovanoff

I don't even know where to begin when describing this book. It takes the dynamic of high school drama and flips it on its head, challenging the concepts of popularity, love, and identity. It asks the right questions through the strong, relatable voices of two beautifully crafted protagonists. The story follows a high school girl named Waverly, who has perfectly crafted her public identity to appease the expectations of her friends, family, and social world. At night, Waverly fights a nasty case of insomnia, finding rest only when the light of a special candle transports her to the side of Marshall Holt, a burnout who sees past the mask she wears in the halls at school. Together, they break down each other's shells, and are forced to face the parts of themselves that everyone else refuses to see. It makes for a captivating story of finding love and accepting yourself.
I found myself enthralled not only because of the intriguing way dreams and insomnia are used to bring the two characters together, but mainly because of the honesty displayed in regards to the high school environment. It breaks down the politics of teenage hierarchy and gives us layered characters who really feel like people instead of just teenage cutouts falling in love. This book has unique, enchanting elements that are grounded in humanity as two people try to navigate through youth and fight past the influence and scrutiny of the world around them. The writing is just the right amount of poetic, and it carries a wisdom that makes this book a must-read for anyone who has ever felt lost in a sea of faces. I didn't want it to end.



Number Two:
Dark Matter
By: Blake Crouch

All right. I'm no science person. Like, seriously. I don't have a clue. However, I could not put this book down. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of time and research that went into crafting this intricate story of multiple dimensions. It takes us on an unbelievable journey with Jason Dessen, who has been kidnapped and thrown in to a world where his life is not his own. His wife was never his wife and his son was never born. Jason then embarks on what is essentially a wild goose chase in hopes to find his own world and reconnect with the family he loves.
The best part about this book is it creates a plot with a limitless amount a worlds. That opens up exciting opportunities to explore what society might have been like under different circumstances. In his search, he encounters a frozen tundra, a city destroyed by disease, a futuristic landscape, and more. The imagination applied in this story is incredible, and it mixes well with the intricate scientific details that move the story forward. It also reflects well on the ideas of regret and choice and all of the what if's in life. Jason's character growth takes him from a man unsatisfied with the life he chose and forces him to face realities in which that life never even had the chance to be. It's a creative scifi adventure that builds tension perfectly while also bringing about challenging themes and ideas that we all can relate to as we wonder about what could have been.



Number Three:
And I Darken
By: Kiersten White

This book has gotten a lot of attention since its June release, and most of it is aimed at this novel's heroine. Told as the female version of Vlad the Impaler, Ladislav Dragwyla is a bad ass leading lady who would make Furiosa proud. She is fierce, cold, brutal, and everything else that princesses aren't supposed to be. This is a dark, intricate story about politics, kingdoms, blood and war, but it is also a coming of age tale in its own right. While Lada is in the middle of the chaos of kings and fighting and conspiracy, she is still just a child. We get to see her learn of the injustices of sexism from an early age as she's thrown into a world where men rule and woman obey. We get to watch as she discovers the stages of womanhood and attraction and even a little bit of love. I really appreciate this effort to remind the reader of her naive youth, because sometimes I feel that YA forget that its protagonists are still technically children. White wasn't afraid to dive into the depths of growing up, which made Lada a character that we could admire and fear and relate to all at the same time.
Another driving force of this novel is the fascinating juxtaposition between Lada and her younger brother, Radu. While she is vicious, he is gentle. Kind. His power and conniving comes from his wit and ability to manipulate and read people, while Lada's comes from battle skills and raw ferocity. While the plot and details of the world are fascinating and so well researched, it is the character study of these two people that really makes this one of the best YA releases of the year. You really feel as if you know them by the end, and I cannot wait to read more. If you're looking for a feminist novel with a punch in the gut and the heart, look no further.



Number Four:
These Broken Stars
By: Amie Kauffman and Meagan Spooner

So this is an older one. It was released in 2013 and I can't believe it took me this long to read it. This book is the real deal, complete with well rounded characters, a brilliant love story, and a unique storyline that takes us through an uninhabited planet after a colossal shipwreck in space. There is humor. Heart. Aliens! What else does a reader need?
Similar to Places No One Knows, this story is told through the dual perspective of the male and female leads. Tarver is the soldier. Lilac is the princess. It may seem pretty straightforward, but the complexity of these characters and the relationship that evolves between them is a truly rewarding experience as they grow, change, and come together in the name of survival. They challenge each other in multiple ways, each a force of nature colliding with the other. I was rooting for both of them the entire way as individuals, and I loved seeing them gravitate towards each other as the story progressed.  Their adventure is heartfelt, exciting, heartbreaking, and every part of it leaves you longing for more.



Number Five:
The Way I Used to Be
By: Amber Smith

Sometimes, we end a book with excitement or exhaustion or utter adoration. Our emotions finally come together to create a finale that makes the reading experience one unlike any other. That's how it goes. Sometimes.
With this book, it wasn't excitement or anything of the sort that overcame me after I reached the final page. It wasn't anything that I was used to, to be honest.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Smith's debut, it's a YA contemporary that chronicles the aftermath of sexual assault. It speaks with a gut twisting honesty that forces the reader to face the reality of the emotional, psychological, and physical demons that rape victims live with on a daily basis, even after years have passed. It dives into something that the world doesn't really talk about, and I often found myself having to turn away at times because the pure, unjust sadness of this reality just kept hitting me like a brick.  It was confirmed to be a work of fiction, but it's undeniable that human beings all over the world have had similarly horrifying experiences, many whose stories will go left untold out of fear, shame, or distrust in a system that has made it so difficult for these individuals to come forward.
Needless to say, this book has brought about these heavy thoughts that have stuck with me ever since I read the last sentence. It's not only an important story that can reach out to anyone who has been through something similar, but it's also for any reader in a culture where rape and assault tend to be swept under the rug. It raises awareness on rape culture and also on the deep impact that something like this can have on a person's life. I recommend it to anyone. It's tough stuff, but it's a necessary read.

Needless to say, it's been a good summer. This fall is going to bring a whole new batch of new releases that will likely leave us all in awe, but for now, get yourself to the bookstore and read all of these lovely words. Prepare to cry, laugh, and fall in love.

Relationship status: Mentally dating at least twelve fictional characters.

Everyone has their dating deal breakers. It's a way to filter through the masses of potential partners, especially in the age of online dating and social media. Even a picture can cause us to turn away, like the presence of a cigarette or a bathroom selfie or a man bun. Whether you're just swiping through Tinder or testing the waters on casual dates, you know what you're going to stay away from.

The same can be said for books.
For anyone who frequents the nearest Barnes & Noble, you know what it's like to stand in front of the new releases and know that you're not walking out of there without one or two or ten of these beautiful hardcovers. You judge the covers. Read the description. You look for authors you recognize and read the blurbs for the ones you don't.
But how do you choose?
Well, like dating, we know what we're interested in what it comes to reading, and we also know what we're not interested in. Sure, the plot may sound unique and the characters appear to be promising, but the first few pages may be able to tell you if this one is worth taking home.

Here are some of my book deal breakers for YA:

The Mean Girl

I think it's been well established that high school is comprised of much more than just your typical hierarchy Regina George formula. At one point, this was a really intriguing trend in YA, like when Lauren Oliver released her debut Before I Fall. However, after countless similar novels put out the same story arcs with the same cast of characters (The Queen Mean Girl, The Remorseful Mean Girl, The Sidekick Mean Girl, The Queen's Jerk King, The Closet Jerk/Nice Guy Boyfriend, The Redemption Boy, and The Nice Girl), I no longer want to read about main characters who rampage through the story with cruelty serving as a mask for their deep insecurities. Yes, the deconstruction of the mean girl was fascinating the first couple of times, but it has been very overdone. There are plenty of other aspects of the teen years that have yet to be fully explored, and this exhausted trope has become redundant and predictable.


The Manic Pixie Dream

In both fantasy and contemporary YA, there have been many charismatic love interests strolling in with their perfect hair and quirky smile to turn the protagonist's world upside down. Think Ramona Flowers or Summer Finn. This character's job is to bring a light into the story and to show the MC how lacking his or her life was before they showed up. MPD's are often a reflection of what we dream of when it comes to a perfect love life, and they are not typically an accurate representation of a real person.
I'm sure we all have our own version of the manic pixie dream in our minds. I would love to find my own Augustus Waters to take me to Amsterdam and speak sweetly of his love for me, but my problem with this type of character is that it sets up a plot that moves forward under the implication that the main character's life wasn't good enough without the MPD. Not only is it an unrealistic romance, but it also takes away from the important message of loving yourself and understanding that your worth does not increase once this person has swept you off your feet. I want to read about two characters who are gritty and dimensional and complicated, because that is what's real. Manic pixie dreams just don't give me anything to believe in.



The Obnoxious Narrator

Writers know that voice is one of the most important factors when it comes to grabbing the reader's attention. You're supposed to be able to get a pretty good feel of the main character within the first few chapters by the way they bring you into the story. Obviously, when writing characters who are in their teens, authors have to work with the tendencies of the age group in order to create someone who is believable and relatable. If you were anything like me when you were a teenager, you were sarcastic as hell with a heaping side of angst.
Sarcasm is a language within itself, and I've seen it done to perfection (Cassie Sullivan from Rick Yancey's The 5th Wave trilogy is the queen), but sometimes it feels like the author uses an overabundance of sarcasm to make up for the lack of voice given to their characters. It can be a great piece of their personality, but I need more than that to get on board with a narrator constantly going off track to make snarky remarks. It gets to a point where I'm annoyed, distracted, and uninterested in anything other than getting this over with. Show me their heart, their pain, and tell me who they really are beyond the overused sarcasm.  If I come across a character who can't do that, it's unlikely I'll make it past the first chapter.

Often times, it's easy to see how the books we read reflect the current events and topics of the world we live in. Whether it's our obsession with reality TV, the flaws of the class system, or cultural divides, young adult literature has probably addressed it in one way or another. The category serves well as a vessel for ideas and as an amplifier for young voices weighing in on the issues of society.

And now, in 2016, few issues are more prominent than feminism.

When I was growing up, I was surrounded by children's movies and shows in which a prince saved a princess and the greatest arc of the story was the dazzling discovery of true love. I wore elaborate dresses for Halloween, idolizing characters like Belle and Aurora as I dreamed of that perfect prince coming to sweep me off my feet. Who didn't just die when Hercules was willing to sacrifice himself in order to save Meg? And oh my goodness when Aladdin took Jasmine out to 'show her the world' it became #goals before #goals were even a thing.
Many of us grew up with this general recipe of heroes and damsels and formulaic romance. We swooned over The Notebook, watching that rain scene over and over and over. Jack Dawson gave us all the feels, causing countless sexual awakenings with his hair flip and drawing skills. Everything we were exposed to was heavy on the romance, from Disney to Barbie and Ken to whatever we watched when our parents weren't looking. This seemed to present us with this idea that being validated by a man was some sort of ultimate goal.

And then came the world of YA, which is generally written by women and has been constantly developing and adapting when it comes to gender roles, male and female stereotypes, and, of course, the ideas behind feminism. It took the readers who grew up believing that their greatest accomplishment would be to become a half of a prince/princess combo and gave them leading ladies like Katniss Everdeen and Ruby Daly and Viola Eade, who, among many others, defy these outdated concepts and give an authentic life and strength to the female character. These women hold their own, fighting in wars and saving loved ones and just being flat out brave and badass. They certainly do not need a man to give them value, and their love stories are only a small part of what makes up their characters. YA has been ahead of its time in many ways, creating these powerful heroines that perfectly counter the damsels we loved and thought we needed to be.


As feminism gains power with each passing day, YA writers are moving right along with it.  Heroines no longer need to be innocent virgins when we are introduced to them, and they have come to embrace their sexuality (which brings about a whole new topic, which I'll probably write about in the coming weeks). Genders roles are all but abolished, as the women are often the ones taking on the biggest burdens and they end up saving their male counterparts. They operate on an equal level with the boys, and don't tend to get caught up in handsome jawlines and shiny muscles like they used to. Today's heroines are tough, witty, intelligent, and do not have time for anyone's shit. If they made an army of every badass leading lady on the bookstore shelves today, no one on the opposing side would stand a chance.

While this a great way to create role models for young readers and to help break the rusty chains of sexism, there are also a few things I've noticed in my recent reads that threw me off as a reader, writer, and a woman. I just finished a new release that prides itself on its timely themes and feminist attitude. It featured a heroine who, while she did fit into every requirement of a strong, able female character, I just could not relate to or even get on board with. You see, this girl was so strong, resilient and smart that she almost stopped feeling like a real person. Everyone around her put her on a golden pedestal and could only ever talk about how amazing she was, and every man was practically throwing themselves at her feet. She always had an answer and was hardly ever in any state of worry or even concern. The only problems in her life were brought on by other people, making her seem better than everyone around her. Sorry not sorry, but this is not only bullshit because no one is that perfect, but it completely defeats the true purpose of feminism. I've seen this happening in quite a few of the YA books that have been coming out in the last couple of years. It's as if the authors are so hellbent on upholding their strong characters that they are afraid to let them have their flaws.


So, bring in Viola Davis (slay). Her character on ABC's How To Get Away With Murder is the absolute embodiment of what a true feminist character is supposed to look like. Even if you haven't seen the show, you've probably heard that Annalise Keating is one hell of a badass. She dominates in every court room she walks into, always seems to be six steps ahead of everyone else, and knows how to put you in your place. Honestly, that's #goals for you right there. She has such a powerful presence that commands to be paid attention to and Viola delivers an on point performance in every scene.

However, that's not all we get to see. Along with all the slaying, the show opens up a part of the female powerhouse character that is rarely seen or even addressed. We see this woman absolutely broken down. I remember in season one when she sat down at her mirror and took all of her makeup off and was exposed with nothing but her natural beauty. That was such a powerful moment because all women know the work we put into creating a presentable face for the world to see. But here she is, still beautiful and desired without any sort of shield or mask. Throughout the rest of the series, we've seen her laid up with a bottle of liquor and a bowl of ice cream. We've seen her in various states of defeat, finding comfort that only her mother can give or dealing with the regrets from her past in questionable ways. One of the most interesting things about Annalise is the fact that she does not always have the answer. She makes mistakes. She uses people, turns them away, and even endangers them. She is entirely flawed, which is something that makes her real and something that I feel has been lacking in some of the latest YA heroines.


As a woman, you come to see just how complex true feminism really is. Yes, we are strong. We are brave, intelligent, beautiful beings and yes, do not mess with us. BUT. It is not required nor healthy that we only be proud of the words used to describe us if they would also be used to describe a man. If you wouldn't call a man emotional, does that mean it's a quality that a woman should hide away or deny? Because here's a bombshell for you: we are not men, and we need not display only the tough side of ourselves in order to be worthy in a world that favors men. The things that separate us from men are what make being a woman unique and special, and we can't be afraid or ashamed of the wide range of qualities that make us the women that we are. For me, yes, I am strong. That does not mean I am not allowed to lose my shit or cry over nothing or be afraid. I can be fixing cattle fences and watching football one day and guzzling wine during The Bachelor the next. Women are intricate, and it's impossible to represent feminism without displaying that.

Because that's a major point of feminism: being proud of womanhood and owning it. A female character is not less because she is emotional or indecisive or capable of making a mistake, because every single woman who ever lived has made a mistake. I don't want to read a book and feel as though the heroine has reached some level of womanhood that I will just never achieve. That's not being honest to young readers, or any readers for that matter, because such a thing does not exist.
I may not have started a revolution or brought down governments or changed the world, but I've faced my own challenges in my twenty-two years. Through these challenges, you better believe that I did not always make the right decisions, if I managed to even make a decision at all. I screwed up at times, and had nothing left to do but shovel ice cream down my throat and leave the house in pajama pants. It's just how it goes, and that does not disqualify me or anyone from being a strong woman. The same applies to characters in YA, because while this is no longer the age of lovesick Disney princesses and Ryan Gosling make out sessions, it is truly the age of women finding themselves and being proud of who they are, which goes far beyond any notion of being perfectly put together like the character in that book. Everyone has flaws, and reading about characters who are just too righteous to be real is exhausting. Young readers need role models who they can see themselves in, and writers need to be brave enough to create them.

This is an age old topic. The concept of beauty has brought about countless discussions and controversies over the years, and it feels like no one is immune to the glorification of the 'ideal' human form. Young adults are particularly vulnerable to body image pressure, and the unrealistic standards set by models and actresses are more than enough to provoke insecurities and body shaming. These are likely a permanent part of the media that young adults are going to be exposed to (at least for now), but these standards and ideas should not transfer into their favorite books. While YA literature is known for its empowering nature and strong, relatable characters, it is often times guilty of only presenting heroes and heroines of a particular body type.

Of course, none of these characters are supermodels, but they do stay within certain guidelines. Let's paint the typical picture. If you pick any random heroine out of a hat, here are some likely physical traits she will have:

• White
• Thin (sometimes described as abnormally small or birdlike.)
• Short, but not too short
• Brown or blonde hair (of some variation. Dirty blonde is a popular one)
• Toned (this is usually paired with being in good physical shape, because she's likely a runner or has some sort of hobby or skill that helps her stay fit.)
• Pallid 
• Devoid of body hair (because of course everyone shaves their armpits in the middle of the apocalypse)

It is #IReadYA week, and readers and authors alike have been proclaiming their endless love for the novels that makes up this vast category of writing. I think it's an important thing to celebrate, because YA has had an impact on so many people in so many ways. It has shown us brave, unforgettable characters and has built massive worlds filled with a wide array of complex storylines. For those who haven't really dabbled in YA, it may be easy to make certain judgements about it regarding age groups and subject matter. Why would anyone over eighteen want to spend their time with books written for teenagers? What's the draw there?


For those of us who know this category, who have traveled through its diverse settings and sat up through late nights of needing just one more page, we have more than enough answers to that question. For me, YA has been a part of my life since those awkward middle school days when I was swooning over Jacob Black and enthralled with Tally Youngblood's rebellion. Back then, reading was an escape, but it was also just something to do. It wasn't until later on in high school and college that I found a certain solace in the pages of YA books. The list of characters and stories that resonated with me goes on and on and on, seeing me through the struggles and complications that come with leaving home, losing love, and figuring out who you are.
Today, that hasn't really changed. In fact, my relationship with YA has expanded into something even more meaningful. In the years that I've been working on my own young adult novel, these books have been a loyal companion through every stage of writing. I take away countless lessons not only on what works, but also on what matters. These are stories that operate under a category with minimal boundaries and rules, but they all present themes that can be applied universally. That's what makes YA unlike anything else in literature. You can be reading about mystical horse races one day and flying pirate ships the next and you'll always find yourself encountering ideas that can be applied to your own life.

YA is gritty, daring, and it gives young people access to empowering voices with important things to say. C.S. Lewis told us that "we read to know we are not alone". That seems to apply perfectly to teenagers, but the concept of it doesn't expire when you reach a certain age. There's something very personal about YA because the young protagonists are vulnerable by nature. They bring about an honesty that makes them feel all the more real as we go through their journeys with them.


I real YA, and will always read YA, because it is an endlessly fascinating and ever growing collection of uniquely intimate writing. There are no defined limitations, which presents the reader with the excitement of endless possibilities. It promotes creativity and produces characters who can challenge and inspire us. YA authors pour their whole hearts into their projects, and it shows. YA goes far beyond entertainment for teenagers. It is a valuable contribution to the literary world and helps us to transport ourselves from reality and find a home at the same time.

Todd and Viola. Katniss and Peeta. Alina and Mal. Ruby and Liam. Kestrel and Arin.

These, along with many others, are the great YA love stories of our time. They took readers on captivating journeys of young, complicated romances that usually left us in some whirlwind of will they/won't they and ended with some tragically beautiful resolution. Love triangles, wars, betrayals and countless other factors stood in the way of 'true love,' and we were happily riding the ship through whatever storm came next.

Romance, whether it is the main focus of the story or not, has always been a prevalent aspect of YA. Many authors have managed to capture that perfect recipe of innocent flirtation, sexual tension, and the euphoric madness of falling in love. Readers become deeply invested in finding out what awaits the newest set of starry eyed lovers who are looking to beat the odds and find a future that allows them to be together in peace. We all but melt whenever a lovesick monologue declares true feelings or the long awaited kiss blasts fireworks off the page. We cry for these characters. Their heartbreak becomes our own.

For me, a twenty-two-year-old who has seen the truth behind real-life young love and learned the value of being single and proud, this is all good fun. Sure, sometimes I can't help but wish an Evan Walker or Augustus Waters would walk into my life and just get me, but it's easy for me to separate the fiction of a YA romance and the reality of how relationships really work. There usually isn't a magical, perfect virginity loss. Boys don't tend to describe the way your eyes look in the moonlight or marvel at your quirks and unique outlook on life. Real, honest teenage romance can usually be defined by awkward parking lot makeout sessions and saying I love you for the first time over text message. It's hardly poetic.

• Having a boyfriend/girlfriend does not fix your problems. I have come to greatly dislike plots that kick off by some broken main character finding joy again when a manic pixie dream whoever comes into their lives. It can help. It can make you feel better, but ultimately, you must be the one to save yourself. 
• People don't always have the perfect thing to say, and that's okay. It may be easy for the characters in YA to lay out there feelings in a string of lovely words, but it does not work that way for everyone. People express their love in different ways, and it's not fair to dismiss someone just because they don't talk like Edward Cullen (don't EVEN get me started). 
• Yeah, your first time is not going to be that good. Everyone loves a good love scene, but just no. No and nope and not at all.
• There is so much more going on than just a love story. Our lives are too intricate to just care about the romance. You can stand on your own without someone at your side or on your arm, and the only true way to love and know someone is to love and know yourself first. This doesn't always happen right away, and it's not always the first person who looks at you the right way who goes with you to the end. 

First, let me say this:
I have watched The Walking Dead since it first premiered back in 2010. I survived weeks of Lori's pregnancy drama, three seasons of Andrea, and exactly 4.2 billion situations in which Glenn was in danger, so I can damn well survive this cliffhanger. 

And to everyone out there up in arms, insulting the producers and overusing your middle finger emojis, I have three words for you. 

Trust the writers. 

As in, these people know what they are doing. I have a lot of respect for anyone who creates with the story's best interest in mind, even if it doesn't give the audience exactly what it wants. Focus on the awesome, intense, and heartbreaking things that happened in that finale. Appreciate the insanely dedicated performances of one of the best casts on television. So few shows have the capability to make an audience physically sick with nerves and anticipation. The tension was built to perfection and that final scene was executed in such a powerful way. We're going to be seven seasons deep into this story, and now is not the time to get fickle. 




So there. Rant over. We'll all be back in October to see the fate of whoever had the 'honor' of meeting Lucille. Then, we can cry or scream or do whatever Negan will allow us to do, but until then, let the theories fly. Throwing mine into the ring, I'm going to map out who I think we lost. There's no real option that wouldn't break my heart. 

Here we go. 

We KNOW Rick and Carl are safe. Even if it wasn't for Negan's comment just before delivering his first blow, Carl and Negan have a really interesting relationship in the comics that will likely be brought to life on screen. Even though Rick isn't going to die, can we just take a moment to absorb the total terror of seeing him in that lineup? He went from being completely confident when the group left Alexandria to barely holding his composure when the Saviors surrounded them. Until now, they have always managed to get out of their various predicaments. The farm. The Governor. Terminus. The walkers in Alexandria. Rick's group has been the world's powerhouse, and Negan has just arrived to tear that all to pieces. You can see it in his eyes as he realizes it, which begs the eternally unanswered question:

Where is Andrew Lincoln's Golden Globe?