If Love Can Ever Be Called That
7:54:00 PM
Todd and Viola. Katniss and Peeta. Alina and Mal. Ruby and Liam. Kestrel and Arin.
These, along with many others, are the great YA love stories of our time. They took readers on captivating journeys of young, complicated romances that usually left us in some whirlwind of will they/won't they and ended with some tragically beautiful resolution. Love triangles, wars, betrayals and countless other factors stood in the way of 'true love,' and we were happily riding the ship through whatever storm came next.
Romance, whether it is the main focus of the story or not, has always been a prevalent aspect of YA. Many authors have managed to capture that perfect recipe of innocent flirtation, sexual tension, and the euphoric madness of falling in love. Readers become deeply invested in finding out what awaits the newest set of starry eyed lovers who are looking to beat the odds and find a future that allows them to be together in peace. We all but melt whenever a lovesick monologue declares true feelings or the long awaited kiss blasts fireworks off the page. We cry for these characters. Their heartbreak becomes our own.
For me, a twenty-two-year-old who has seen the truth behind real-life young love and learned the value of being single and proud, this is all good fun. Sure, sometimes I can't help but wish an Evan Walker or Augustus Waters would walk into my life and just get me, but it's easy for me to separate the fiction of a YA romance and the reality of how relationships really work. There usually isn't a magical, perfect virginity loss. Boys don't tend to describe the way your eyes look in the moonlight or marvel at your quirks and unique outlook on life. Real, honest teenage romance can usually be defined by awkward parking lot makeout sessions and saying I love you for the first time over text message. It's hardly poetic.
Okay, don't call me bitter. I'm not saying these things are impossible. They're just not what I would call realistic. But that's okay for me because I know that and I'm past that overly vulnerable stage in my life. It's okay because I'm not the target audience for YA.
So let's talk about the ones who are. Generally, the age group for YA goes from 12 to 18. Teenagers are smart. They can call any type of bullshit and see life in a really cool way, but can also be so bogged down by angst, insecurities, and lacking a place to belong. That's the amazing thing about YA. These stories can transport anyone to a place that is so perfectly different from the world surrounding them. They're an escape, but they're also a way to connect with yourself through the characters you come to know so well.
While YA and reading is a really cool part of growing up, it also has a lot of potential to set up some unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships. Aside from parents and other various familiar adult couples, love stories in YA have a huge impression on these young readers. (I know the same can be said for all other forms of media, but since YA is geared towards teens, that's what we're focusing on.) When every single love interest in YA turns out to be a walking dreamboat, how are these readers supposed to gain a real perspective on dating or romance? When an actual relationship comes along and it turns out that all of those characteristics from YA don't come with the package, what happens?
I guess I couldn't tell you the answer, and I don't know if there's any real solution. We read YA because we want to believe that, somewhere out in the world, people look at each other the way Noah Shaw looks at Mara Dyer. I think teenagers like to apply those ideas to the hope they seek for their own love lives. Maybe we all do that sometimes. We create an image of the perfect person in our minds that reflects all the qualities that shine in the pages of YA. Maybe we write these characters for the same reasons we read them.
But it couldn't hurt to rethink some of these strategies. YA readers are so impressionable, and we, as writers, need to make sure we don't set them up for failure by only displaying what love and having feelings for someone is like when it's magical or breathtaking. To break it down, we all know that a good love story can completely transform a novel and take it to a whole new level. It's a valuable aspect, but it does need to be treated with care. We want to give the readers what they want, but we also want to have a positive presence in their lives. From what I have read and experienced, here are the things that need to be made clear:
- Having a boyfriend/girlfriend does not fix your problems. I have come to greatly dislike plots that kick off by some broken main character finding joy again when a manic pixie dream whoever comes into their lives. It can help. It can make you feel better, but ultimately, you must be the one to save yourself.
- People don't always have the perfect thing to say, and that's okay. It may be easy for the characters in YA to lay out there feelings in a string of lovely words, but it does not work that way for everyone. People express their love in different ways, and it's not fair to dismiss someone just because they don't talk like Edward Cullen (don't EVEN get me started).
- Yeah, your first time is not going to be that good. Everyone loves a good love scene, but just no. No and nope and not at all.
- There is so much more going on than just a love story. Our lives are too intricate to just care about the romance. You can stand on your own without someone at your side or on your arm, and the only true way to love and know someone is to love and know yourself first. This doesn't always happen right away, and it's not always the first person who looks at you the right way who goes with you to the end.
Overall, there's a way to make romance work without creating a completely unrealistic situation that sends teens the wrong message about love. So many iconic YA couples have shown us that. They were flawed and scared and clueless at times. They were honest. Todd and Viola built each other up and loved each other even through their darkest hours. Katniss and Peeta complimented each other in a way that helped them both heal and find peace. Alina and Mal found strength together and discovered who they were along the way. Ruby and Liam shared burdens and believed in each other no matter what. Arin and Kestrel were a team with the utmost respect for one another. These are the qualities of real love. These are things to strive for, but it just doesn't always work like that right away.
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